The REAL Definition of Self-Love

Drop The Label Movement - Unsplash


Self-love is a weird concept and one that has emerged in digital and social media as a topic of interest. 

So many more people are considering what it takes to truly love and embrace oneself, and thank goodness. 

With increased awareness of mental health, it's natural that self-love conversations yield as a side effect. But how do we actually achieve self-love? And what can we do to ensure that the love we feel is genuine and unconditional?

Despite what so many believe, there is such a thing as loving yourself on the basis of certain conditions. 

Sometimes we hold ourselves to such a rigid playbook that we don't leave any room to, excuse us, fuck up. Ultimately, we put ourselves in this incredibly unhealthy cycle of self-loathing that negates any of the love we do give. 

So how do we do it? Are there steps? Guidelines? The answer is no. There is no set of anything that will genuinely teach you anything. (Let that one sink in for a minute.)

The bright side? There are ways to ensure that what we're doing for ourselves is good and does reflect a sense of love. 

We'd like to open a few talking points on the matter.

Energy: What Kind You Have and What You Do With It

Energy is a weird thing, another one of those things that people seem to be talking about a lot lately. 

The weirdness comes from not really understand what the hell "energy" is in the spiritual sense. We don't even get it sometimes, but we'll do do our best to keep it as simple as possible. 

A good fact to bear in mind is that people generally have consistent energies. For instance, I nearly always stay at the same level of calm and focus. I have other friends, though, who seem to always have an extra dose of whatever it is that makes us "perky," for lack of a better term. 

[Our medical #kweens are likely quaking reading that above statement. Not to fear, gals, we know there's some kind of hormonal and physiological explanation to this, but we're talking in the spiritual sense.] 

A big part of self-love is paying attention to the energy you have, because the energy you maintain often dictates the energy you give away. 

To give another self-related example, I often give my energy to work-related things at consistent stints of the day. Sometimes, though, I give it away to my work at times that I'd rather be resting and I completely ignore the signs. 

The point is that a key to self-love is knowing when your energy gives out on you and knowing where it goes when it does. 

Being in tune with where your energy is spent with no return enables you to pinpoint exactly when and what you need to give yourself in order to maintain an energetic equilibrium. 

Of course, you can't expect to just do this, it'll take time and a significant level of patience, but a strong effort at being self-aware when it comes to where your emotions and thoughts go can really have an impact on your overall state of wellness. 

The Three Keys to Physical Health

How well to do you take care of yourself? I mean, really. What are your hygiene patterns? 

Maintaining good hygiene might seem like a commonplace thing, something that everyone mindlessly should know and fall in line with. 

But what if we dedicated even a quarter of our daily expended energy (see what we did there) to exceptional hygiene? 

This might be a concept you already know, but if not, we've come to an agreement that consistently prioritizing these three physical wellness points on a daily basis are an accurate representation of genuine self-love. 


  1. Nutrient-dense, diverse, and more or less healthy eating habits.
  2. Healthful sleep on a consistent basis and prioritization of redeeming sleep lost. 
  3. Consistent, healthy water intake on a daily basis. 


There are eons-worth more of things to add to the list, but over complicating your health habits is actually really easy thing to do, especially if you're only just starting a wellness journey or lifestyle.

By keeping these things as staples in your day to day, you keep it simple, you keep it consistent, and you'll always feel a sense of accomplishment when knocking them off the list. 

Why do we mention it? Because keeping an equilibrium with one's physical state of being is a major indicator that you're capable and willing to give your body precisely what it needs. 

Basically, keeping yourself physically healthy is a genuine form of self-love. 

A not entirely genuine representation of self-love through physical wellness might be consuming some form of harmful weight loss supplement that does damage to your organs, skin, or general wellness. 

While your intentions might be good in trying to lower your body fat, the real emphasis of self-love is a state of equilibrium in your body. (i.e. achieving a state of exterior wellness alongside a state of internal wellness.)

Understanding What Friendship REALLY Is

Friendship isn't only reserved for friends. Friendship exists in romantic relationships as well, in fact, we think it should be a requirement. 

As we get older it's true that our circles do indeed get smaller. News flash: This likely isn't a coincidence. 

As we get older, our standards (hopefully) get higher. At least that's the goal. Often, really, it's just that our tolerance for bullshit and unwanted social occasions gets lower. 

Either way, friendship is 100 percent about self-love, and to us, that means getting super familiar with what friendship actually is. 

Friendship can look different to all of us. It's only natural that we all need something specific out of the people in our lives that are supposed to give us emotional something

Ideally, friendship should always serve you, as well as give you the ability to serve

Both are equally as important to have in your relationships. When you have faith and security that someone will be there for you, that they'll give you something spiritually, emotionally, or genuinely support you in your path through life, you'll feel more secure and understand the true value of love and mutuality in relationships.

When you have the ability to serve, you not only feel fulfilled, but you give back what you receive. Relationships that are built on this balance of giving and receiving, mutually assured fulfillment, are the keys to knowing that you regard your worth through your relationships. Thus, a massive indicator that your self-love meter is in the green. 

Monitoring of Your Day to Day Activities

This is a big one. What we do every day becomes us. What we do for work, who we're surrounded by at work, different activities we take on, etc. 

The reason we become what we do is not just the case of habit, but also the case of cultural assimilation. We're not talking about moving to another country, historical definition. We're talking about the cultures in our day to day lives. 

Your work environment, your gym, any clubs you join, and even the energy between you and your flatmates all have their own cultural characteristics. 

Being a part of them means, naturally, that you'll assimilate. You have to, right? In order to function in the spaces you exist, you don't have much of a choice. 

Where people miss? Is thinking that they don't have much control in their day to day activities and what those activities give them. 

News flash: WRONG-O. 

Every single day you have choices. As cliche as it sounds, it's your key to general happiness. Your consciousness in what you do in your day to day is crucial to give yourself what you need and thus, have healthy self-love. 

Now, we get it. We know that when you work a job or you join a gym, the culture was there before you were. So, there's not a lot of room to make your own energy. 

You do, though, have a choice on what else you do for the remainder of your day. 

What you do, how you do it, and what it does for you is 100 percent in your control and choosing to do them not only gives you a sense of confidence and worth, but the things you do that make you happy? Fulfill you, they literally make your life what it's supposed to be. 

And while people think it's easy as joining a new group to doing more of something, it's a lot more than that. 

True happiness is actual work. 

If it wasn't actual work, everyone would be genuinely happy all the time. There are so many quotes that hint at the best things in life coming without ease, and isn't happiness the best thing in life? 

Taking a daily inventory of what you're doing and evaluating if what you're doing is actually making you happy is a sure fire way to ensure that you're giving yourself what you want at the day-to-day level. 

This, to me, is the most important indicator that you're working toward a genuine level of self-love. 

At the end of the day, you take away your friends, your activities, the things you focus and spend your time on, and all you're left with is yourself. Just you.

Each day, are you able to look at yourself and say you were content? Are you able to look at your day and feel as though you did what you wanted? can you honestly say that you're happy? 

Being honest with yourself in this and evaluating what you can do to modify what you're currently doing or continue to do what you're doing is important. Speak to yourself with honesty, openness, and awareness. 

Share this post